Start Doing It.

Monday morning.. off from work as it is a holiday.. I dread today... going to visit with my Dad... going by my Mom's grave... I was told that is a morbid custom.. and in a way it is.. but today is supposed to be a day of remembrance... I remember my mom a lot.. as I do many people in my life that are no longer in it.. Sometimes I get to thinking about what happens to someone after they die.. my upbringing suggests that they sleep indefinitely until they will awaken on judgement day... I would hate the thought of anyone walking around as spirits.. looking at what I'm doing at random times 24/7... to me.. that would be the same as having a camera installed that hovered over me...  I know that people who have passed on probably don't judge...but it's not even  about that... I don't care if the people in my life judge me... I have gotten used to that.. and I hold myself to my own standards... it's how I make it from day to day.  I am trying to be more productive in my life and continue to hold myself to a higher standard.. even if it wouldn't meet with the approval of some.. I am focusing on my work.. and my physical well being.. I seem to be able to find the motivation to move on through each day in hopes that change is soon.. and things will be okay.  It's all I can hold onto.. and it works.

I am looking at getting into reading... more books.. I am falling a bit behind on my technical knowledge, so I need to incorporate that first.. then back to reading stories for pleasure... I think it allows us to use our imagination to escape to a world structured by vivid words put in print.. I sort of miss being able to use my imagination like that.. as I have severely limited myself on my time spent reading...   I like tv and movies.. don't get me wrong... but it does everything for you.. makes your brain lazy... I heard at a young age "TV rots your brain" ...and I don't think it actually does that.. but it does take the edge off your imagination.  My brain is a very sharp tool... I like to keep my wit sharp.. but the sedimentary lifestyle I've put myself in... causes me to be complacent about too many things.  No one is going to change that but me.. and it's not anyone's responsibility to do but my own...  I enjoy enhancing my life even for no reason other than to say.. I've put forth the effort.   You know how it is when you accomplish something after toiling on it for hours? ...you can look and see that something has been done... well.. I think we're like that about ourselves too.. both physically and mentally... I'm okay with where I am physically... just needs some fine tuning... but mentally and emotionally I need some work... and I'm set to put forth the effort to get there.. I just need to start doing it.