There's no alternative.

Sometimes I just want to give up so badly.. but what would I give up?  I'm never going to consider suicide.. and anything else I do.. is just going to make things more difficult...so I continue going... and will do so until I just can't anymore. I am a better person than this.. I thought I deserved better.. but evidently someone or something, somewhere doesn't.  I keep being told that all of this will pass.. and I know it will.. but then more bullshit will come.. and pile on top of everything.  and it will continue to accumulate. Sometimes I wonder what's next.. it just seems like the plot of our lives keep unfolding as we live them.. and to be honest... mine is turning into a horror story. I think sometimes about how I kept envisioning my life as being different.  I miss the face to face interaction with people on more than a teacher-student level.  I don't have that in my life. I have a few co-workers.. but they are in different buildings and I see them in passing.. so all day long I have no human contact.. no non-professional interaction.. no friends.. and then I go home.. away from everyone and everything where I can reach out and get a bit of interaction through my computer.. but it's not the same..  Talking to people online.. has been my only source of human interaction for quite awhile.  I guess I used that medium to try to make up for the solitude I've put myself in.. and yes.. it's my fault I'm here alone in this house.  I do love my daughters.. I have said that.. and will continue to say that.. but I won't break down in front of them.. and so many times I've wanted to.. knowing that I am going through so much.. and I feel like I'm alone in the world sometimes.. I miss just having someone hug me and say.. hey.. it's going to be okay. I know it will be.. because it can't be anything other than okay.. because there's no alternative.