But that's how I am..

So... I found it very hard to sleep last night.. I just woke up.. and realized how alone I was... not because there wasn't someone in my bed.. not because I didn't have someone to have sex with.. it was because I couldn't just hold someone.. or have someone hold me.. I can't see things happening.. although sometimes I'm oblivious to things happening in front of my face.  I do things for a reason.. sometimes it's not obvious.. but most of the time.. over time.. it will become so.. I am glad of the people I have in my life.. no one expects anything from me.. and I like it that way... I live my life not watching.. because what you see.. isn't necessarily what things actually are.. people use their senses sparingly.. if you see something.. you might forget to use your other senses and even though appearances are very convencing sometimes.. I think that's why I like the dark.. you use your other senses to figure out what is going on.. which is a good lesson for us... if you limit yourself to one or two senses.. you miss out on a lot.. I do live in a dark world.. there is a little light here.. but I've grown used to the darkness.. I'm comfortable with it.. I think that's why I'm so perceptive.. I live in the darkness and have become accustomed to using my senses other than what I see.. I don't care if things are obvious.. I have learned the hard way.. that things are not always as they appear.. in fact..they seldom are.  People are quick to judge others.. and most of the time.. they only have one side of the story.. or do not know the entire facts.. it's at that point.. where conflict arises.. false conclusions are drawn.. and people always choose to believe what they want.. most of us need to be more open.. it's just very difficult.. because of past experiences...  I don't trust.. I won't trust.. and I have no basis for not trusting.. other than those past experiences.. is it fair.. probably not.. but that's how I am..