I'm still floating

I have the feeling that things are not always as they seem. We all put on faces to suit our situation... we are this way.. for this person.. we are that way for that person.. There should be no reasons for that.. people should be proud of who they are.. and let people either like them.. or not.  I have "friends" ...who want me to be this way.. or that way... I'm supposed to "heal"... I not supposed to get involved when my name is brought into things.. I don't care what people think I'm supposed to do ....or not do.. I am me.. simple as that.... I have spent a lot of time trying to support my friends.. some of which will throw all that away... because I'm not the way they want me to be now.  That is the way it'll have to be.. I've already said.. that I will not pretend to be something I'm not. If someone doesn't like who I am... or how I interact.. then... they don't have to spend time around me. I am going to be ok... I may not be the happiest lark in the tree... but I make do with what I have... I sometimes feel like a lot of people in my life.. expect something from me.... and I maintain that I am only going to do what I feel to do. I sometimes want to be different.. to think about things in a different light... but I can't help how I feel. There are times when I feel like.. I'm supposed to do... or not do things.. because it's expected of me.. because I'll disappoint or upset the people around me.. well.. I need to stop thinking in those terms... if I can do that... maybe I can get a handle on who I am.. right now... I try to be true to myself.. but there are so many outside influences acting on me.. that I feel overwhelmed at times... I have a few people in my life that I have let somewhat close.... it's those people that can truly hurt me.. I found that out this week. No matter what I do to try to avoid drama... it still seems to creep into my life. The drama is seeming to subside.. but I'm just waiting for the next wave to appear and try to drown me once more.... until then.. I'm still floating.

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