With every dark cloud.. there is a silver lining.
AAAAAAggggghhhhhh!! ...Seems like I want to say that a lot lately. I can't take much more lies and deceit... if someone wants to be a part of my life.. I will have to say one thing... don't tell me something.. and then ask me to lie about it.. I just realized I did the same thing to one of my friends.. and I am sorry for that.. I might not be thought of as the most trustworthy person now.. but I will try to remain the most honest. I've maintained in a previous blog... If you say something about one of my friends... I'm not going to keep it from that friend... so just don't tell me... I will be happy to keep my mouth shut about things I'm told.. that is no one else's business. I just notice all the lies.. and deception that goes on around me.. and the fact I was called a liar.. had set me off even more. The person who did so.. has come to me.. and apologized.. I know it was done out of irritation... frustration.. being upset even... and I understand why it was done.. that doesn't mean I'll ever forget the words.. once you cross a certain line.. you can't go back.. I have done that a few times myself.. I have a few less.. close friends in my life now.. than I did early in the week.. and I have as much an issue with trust... as I ever have.. I'm not worried about those people that tell the truth.. I completely understand what they do... but the ones that have lied.. or perpetuate a lie..I suppose that bothers me more than anything.. even though there are a few things I would have done differently this past week... I am still satisfied with my actions.. save my jumping to anger... that should have never happened... it did once.. and it won't again....as long as I'm able to remember the horrible thoughts feeling that occurred. I seldom... if ever get upset and angry... there's no point in it.. and it only leads to negative outcomes. The fact that I did get angry... bothers me more than anything. Maybe I'm losing more control over myself and my actions. I am becoming more cynical every day now.. and the event of the past two days.. have done nothing but speed that process along. I won't be something I'm not... I will maintain the truth... If you ask me something.. and it's not your business.. I'll tell you so.. the same as I would hope anyone else would do for me. My intentions yesterday were for a friend.. I am a firm believer for going straight to the source... no pussyfooting around... and all through this whole thing... there may be one positive aspect.. I may have stumbled across a person that I can truly trust... and that may be a part of my life. It's difficult to explain.. but I truly believe that I can trust this person.. So.. with every dark cloud.. there is a silver lining.
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