Sometimes it's difficult

Day two.. still sick.. but feeling much better.. didn't rest much last night.. so.. I'm home again.. I think I'll be able to kick this sickness today... I spent a lot of time online yesterday.. as I lay in bed and tried to rest.  My dad has been calling since he found out I was sick.. he calls me every hour or two.. he says.. you need to sleep.. well.. I could sleep a little more.. if he wasn't calling me every hour or two waking me up.. but it's hard to reason with him anymore.. so I don't.

I am so wishing I wasn't spending my comp time on being sick.. I want to be able to get away at some point in time.. I haven't been able to go anywhere since last July... and I feel like it would be nice to just get away.. I've already told them at work that I am not taking any time until after summer break in July.. if I even do then.. I will have to figure out what I might want to do then..  I am seeing a lot of changes in the lives of friends and acquaintances..  There are a couple of people.. that I don't know that well... that I see headed for a major brick wall in their life.. I know so much about some of the people and it's very scary to think most people don't have a clue.. it's not that they aren't bright.. it's that they are blinded because people want to feel something.. want to be cared about.. Is it weird to say.. I care about a lot of people... not that I want to get too close to them.. but I understand their pain.. of being in relationships where you feel like you got the short end of the stick.. and I sit here and have to watch the eventual suffering because of things I know... I won't say anything because I'm certain that if I do.. they will think I'm just jealous.. or that I want to have a relationship with them..  so.. all i can do is watch the train wreck.. there are many train wrecks that occur all the time.. and very few people find out about them.. I was warned about my eventual crash at the beginning of my last relationship.. and I refused to listen.. that was my stupidity and ignorance.. but.. I see why other people wouldn't listen if I were to try to intervene.. and I would just create hard feelings.. so I will support them as best I can... and hope they will not be as jaded as I am..  Things don't have to be so complicated.. but they are.. we help to make them that way by dancing around the truth...  I'm torn..  a lie by omission is still a lie.. so.. am I lying to my friends by not saying anything.. maybe.. I feel badly about that.. I hope I figure out how to handle the situation I find myself in.. I will try to continue to be truthful... but sometimes it's difficult.

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