It just makes no sense.

So... I seem to always screw something up when I least expect it... I am now a firm believer that most of my problems stem from people trying to hide the truth.  I broke a friend's trust yesterday... it wasn't exactly ...intentional... but nonetheless I did it.  I have no excuses other than wanting to see about someone in her life.. I had a concern... something I couldn't put my finger on.. and even though she probably won't talk to me anymore.. I'm ok with doing it.. I found out some things that I couldn't found out any other way.. I would rather her be upset with me.. than make a mistake.. I am sometimes blinded by hope for other people... I want good things in their life and every so often I misread my "feelings" ...so.. I'm not always right.. I admit that.  I'm not even sure if it wouldn't have been a better thing to let things play out and people get crushed. I do know.. that if something is the truth.. I might get a little disoriented and irritated at first if someone shares something.. but that will pass.. I don't care anymore who tells what.. if it's the truth .. I'll own up to it. I guess everyone has their secrets... they guard so many things because people are afraid of the truth...afraid of what it might cause. Right now.. I can't feel sorry for telling the truth... because I suppose I am so cynical.. but no matter what I do at this point to try to correct things.. I can see only covering it up with a lie.. and I won't do that. I'm still one to feel... a lie by omission.. is still a lie. As I've said before.. the site is full of liars and I hate being one of them... I only have my spouse.. and my family I am lying to.. that's hard enough.. sometimes more than I want to bare.. I would love to change things.. and as far as my spouse goes.. I could tell the truth about myself.. but.. my daughters.. I struggle with the fact that they know very little.. I lie to them daily.. and that's what tears me apart. ...so I avoid them a lot now.. still another omission.. I care about them more than anyone else.. still I lie to them.. It just makes no sense.

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