I Am Much Stronger Now.

I'm thinking this is going to be a week of Mondays... I am doing all my stuff I normally do at work.. and now.. as my manager is actually  my assistant manager doing two jobs as well.. and since he is out with the flu... I have my job.. and his two jobs that I am trying to do....on top of that, because the flu is hitting our center pretty hard now... Our IT guy seemed to be coming down with it yesterday.. so I am hoping that I won't have that position to cover as well. Oh well, when it rains.. it pours.

I think that most people would read my blog and think that I hate people in general.. In all actuality,  I don't hate anyone...but once a person becomes a destructive force in my life... I avoid having that person in any significant role.  I don't understand what makes some people think they can actually do something to someone else online... I've become aware that it seems to give some people power that they don't actually have in their own lives.  ...again.. this is the fantasy which most people choose to be a part.  I am not a fantasy... or put on this earth to pretend anything.  People go on about how they're not fake... or how they don't play games.. but I believe they just don't see it.  Everyone online knows the score.. I gave up even looking for anything substantial online.. I am just lucky to have found a friend or two that I can actually give a degree of trust. I chase everyone else away with my honesty and my frankness... I am not trying to dance around any truths... I have become jaded... but that's not a bad thing.....really! I am stronger in my character than I have ever been. I am more comfortable with who I am now.. than I have ever been in my life.  I am not worried about my future, because I have me in it... I refuse to let anyone make me feel badly about myself.. as I won't give anyone that power.  Yes.. I still keep everyone at arms length.. that's because I realize the damage that people will do.. even if they don't mean to do so. I'm not afraid of people.. I just refuse to acknowledge any importance of most people in my life.  I do give a few people more power than I might should.. but they've earned that degree of trust... just by being a friend.  I will still never let anyone too close.. but I'm content with that. People come and go in my life.. and I will accept whatever role they wish to play... but that doesn't mean I will change my attitude for anyone.  I have been deeply hurt by people in my past.. because I let it happen.  I am much stronger now.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Not In My Lifetime.

It's 1:15 am.. I just got back from my niece's wedding.. and it was.. different .. not what I was used to.. but nice all the same..  I only have this to say about the reception... WTF!!! l guess I should give a bit of background information... my spouse wandered off doing her own thing.. as I prefer it that way... so when I happen to come into close proximity of her by accident.. she motions me over.. and has been talking to the head of the catering company... they have been talking for awhile.. and in a short period of time.. they have been getting to know each other a bit..   as I approach.. this woman.. who's name is the same as my spouse.. is saying.. "I just seem to know him.. he looks like John.. somebody"  My spouse then starts with a sales pitch of how great of a guy I am.. and what I do teaching computers.. and this woman starts striking up a conversation with me in front of my spouse.. she even talks about how handsome I am...   she mentions that she i...
Read more

Something I Have Learned Well.

It's odd how we interact with others on so many levels... one would assume by my wide range of references that I have a large assortment of friends.. In all actuality, the people in my circle of friends could be counted on my hands.. and close friends... well..  easily on one hand. I'm not what I would consider a social butterfly... but to be honest.. I sometimes like crowds.. I enjoy having groups of people around me.. I don't stick out like a sore thumb.. and sometimes getting lost in the rest of the world... isn't such a bad thing. How often do you go and "people watch" ....and then think about those people once you're gone... not very often, I'm guessing.. not unless one did something completely out of the ordinary.  I just like having the feeling that I'm normal.. an ordinary person... I just sat here in this chair for most of the weekend.. not really accomplishing anything.. nothing constructive by any means... I feel as though maybe I'm...
Read more

Stay Out Of Things Where I Don't Belong.

I am starting to get used to the hours... I think... who knows.. one day I feel like I was drug out of my bed kicking and screaming... other days I feel like I've been poured full of coffee and energy drinks... I've cut down on my morning coffee by the way... Oh... I didn't blog about that... after first moving here, I started drinking flavored coffee in the mornings... but I've decided I don't want to get dependent on that.... I still have the occasional coffee... but as I've said before... too much of anything is a bad idea... so I cut back.  I also decided to give up something for Lent... I might have blogged about it... but I tried to think of something that would be a sacrifice.. so I gave up masturbation.  I know that's not really in the spirit of Lent... as far as giving up something like that... but hey... I can't think of many other things I enjoy more... especially with my sex life as it is... I sorta don't have the inspiration at this poi...
Read more