I Need My Solid Footing.

I should have been a chef... I love to cook.. I might not be able to cook a whole lot of dishes.. but that's because I've never really tried to learn them.. but the ones I can cook.. Yum.. I do them very well.. I just added Hush puppies to my stable of dishes tonight.. and I like them better than any restaurant I've ever eaten.. of course I did cheat a bit.. I used a mix...still they came out perfect. I enjoy experimenting with food... just to see what tastes I can come up with.. if I were rich.. I think I'd like to have a cafe... and just play around in it.. and then open it up with the specials of the day.. no set menu... just what I felt like cooking. I know it won't happen.. but hey!.. I can dream. Speaking of dreaming.. my dreams are no longer erotic in nature.. and haven't been for a very long time... at one time.. that would trouble me.. but I am perfectly fine with it.. given my ideology. I was approached for advice recently.. and my advice always is.. go talk to that person about it... if you can't communicate.. that's probably the reason why your relationship suck.. I think most people have this issue.. not being able to communicate.. maybe they're afraid of the truth.. maybe they just don't want to face the hard questions.. whatever the case, a person always has two choices.. live a lie.. or face the truth.. I've had several hard truths to face over the last few years.. and I've realized that it is me.. at least in the relationships I tried.. even those that never even took off.. I am a certain type of person.. and most people don't want reality. Everyone needs a bit of fantasy in their lives.. and that's why they continue to hang online.  I'm perfectly fine with that.. I just made the mistake of trying to take reality into the online world.. and quite honestly.. the two worlds do not mix at all.. I've spent quite a bit of time chatting over the past few years with numerous people.. and now that they are all gone from my life.. or at least almost all of them.. I don't miss them.. I don't miss the conflict.. I don't miss the lies.. I don't miss any of it.  I was afraid at first that I would be tempted to go back and get sucked in once again.. but I'm much stronger than that.. I understand what it all eventually leads to.. whether anyone wants to admit it or not.. it's just that little bit of player in each of us that enjoyed the interaction.. we wanted to be validated.. and I've learned to accept myself for who I am.. maybe I wasn't the right person for the people I became involved with... that's okay... but look at the steady stream of couple exchanges.. and you realize that no one is.. or.. they are only on a temporary basis.... some longer than others.. and then it finally breaks apart.. and almost always... one side gets hurt.. maybe they say they don't.. but in reality... they almost always do.. if they didn't.. then it's because they were both living the fantasy and both have their eyes set on someone else.  I have been told time and again.. there won't be anyone else.. and I knew they were lying through their teeth when they said it.. they were just too naive to know.. or they thought they could make themselves feel better by trying to believe that.. and again.. I'm not bitter now.. I am just thankful that I found out how I wasn't meant to be in their lives.. before I made too much of a commitment.  I'm one of those old fashioned people that believe commitment actually means something.. in today's society.. marriages are temporary.. that's becoming the norm.. if I didn't have a commitment to my current family.. I would have long ago walked away.. there's not really a whole lot left here to be committed to.. but I will play out the hand I am currently holding.. until the center shuts down.. which will happen fairly soon.. and then I will work to keep my daughters from going without.  I have the plan... I have the ability to carry it out.. I am still just waiting for just a bit of stability in my life so I can have at least a little something to stand on before trying to leap.. if you leap while trying to stand on quicksand.. you won't really end up going anywhere.. and you'll wind up deeper than ever. I need my solid footing.