I'll Do... What I Need To Do.

Spent the day with my Dad today.. not the best of days.. but not the worst either... he asked me if I was sick.. said I had lost a lot of weight.. I hope I don't look sick... but I think he was just concerned.  I got my hair cut today.. and I shaved my beard and mustache yesterday.. Too cold to think about going bald at the moment.. but perhaps later in the season..  we shall see. I see how lonesome Dad is.. it's like he's trying to find a purpose.. without Mom.. and he's not really succeeding.. he spends a lot of his free time at my grandmother's.. she said she doesn't think she has much longer.. and being 96 yrs old.. I'm sort of inclined to agree with her.. we visited her last weekend.. and she is very frail now.. going way downhill quickly.... but we all are just allotted so much time.. and most of us squander it away on things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things. I got to thinking about when I was young.. I would do things extraordinary.. push myself.. just to get recognition. As I grew older.. I would almost tear others down at times.. to try to build myself up.. the same thing I see so much of all around me.. and I hate that.. I think I've grown out of that phase too.. I think that maybe part of all that was because I had low self-esteem.. just like so many others.. but I really don't think that's an issue anymore.. to quote a very good friend.. "I'm Awesome" ...but seriously.. I really like who I am now.. and I love the fact that I don't need anyone else to validate who I am.. I don't think most people get that.. they feel like they're not complete unless there is someone else in their life.. it's those people that will go their entire life and usually will not find an answer to who they are... I don't want to know who I was.. or who I will become.. I am just satisfied with who I am now... I still think about my past mistakes.. I think about mistakes I might make in the future.. but I'm not afraid of them anymore.. I still have weaknesses and vulnerabilities..  but I strive to overcome those.  As long as I am trying my best.. no one can make me feel bad about myself.... I think most people could learn from that.. I care about people in general.. I care about a few specific people.... but I won't let anyone change who I am.. or what I stand for..
I am going to elect to have a minor procedure done pretty soon.. but I will be off work for about a week.  It's something I need to fix before complications arise. To tell the truth I'm somewhat nervous about it all.. but things should be okay.. I just need to do what I need to do... and just get over it.  That is pretty much the philosophy I've developed with most other things in my life.. it should apply to this too.. so I'll call tomorrow and get the ball rolling.. I just need to get things lined out at work so they can do a week without me.  I will discuss this with my current supervisor and see how things are going.. I know that things are very unstable... I have been looking for jobs online.. and a few I choose not to consider due to their location.. but I'm done with that.. there should be nothing anywhere that I can't try for if I like the position.. so that's what I'll do.. what I need to do...