It's A Duck.

Maybe I'm not quite as cynical... as I am paranoid... I keep thinking that any time now... life is going to bite me in the ass.. and not in the good way either.  I suppose I am just conditioned to think that things are going to knock me backwards when everything is running smoothly.  I don't know if I call my life "smooth" exactly, but I am not running into any difficult times at the moment.  Does this mean I thrive on drama?  Of course, not... but I've grown used to expecting it at most turns  ....so much so, that things don't seem normal without it. Actually my life has been somewhat drama free for several months now..  or maybe I'm just so adjusted to it.. that I don't notice the everyday drama any more.  My life conditions haven't changed so much.. my living conditions are still the same... my job situation is no different.. Maybe I'm just adjusted to my maladjusted life.  I would hate to think that my life will always be this way.. but I am okay with it for a temporary period of time... even if I'm not certain exactly when it is going to end.  I suppose I am doing with things just what our congressmen are doing with the budget... trying to put off making any major decision until something gives somewhere.   I sometimes feel like I am a coward.. not moving out and standing firm on that decision.. I always seem to find justification for my actions.. or blame on someone or something else.  That's not a responsible person's attitude.  I need to make decisions based on me.. not on the economy.. or my job situation.  ...in my mind I can already hear the excuses...  "but I'm not ready financially" "but you might be moving soon if your job ends"  "but you need to think of your daughters"  ...sure.. they are excuses.. and the last one.. is the only one that I really place any importance on.  I don't want to put my daughters through anything that I can't help them adjust to.  I can't use them as a crutch for my decision making forever.  At some point in time.... I have to grab my testicles and make a decision for me.  I think too many times.. we put ourselves into situations.. and we try to blame others for it.  Our mind always works to help us to point the outcome at someone else.  Are we so weak that we cannot make decisions for ourselves?  That's the problem with most of society.. everyone is out to pin their problems on other people... and it is soooooo easy to do. We always have choices.. I've said this for years... most of our circumstances come about because we did.. or didn't do something.  I have made several wrong choices over the years.. and all of my issues have stemmed from those decisions.   I don't care if anyone agrees with this or not.. if you are having issues.. it's your own fault.  If it looks like a duck.. acts like a duck.. and sounds like a duck.. It's a duck.