Just As I Am.

Do you ever wonder what is going on inside someone else's head... we can rarely know exactly what someone else is thinking.. and rarer still.. their outlook on situations.. because most people tend to try to be or say.. what they think other people want.  Most everyone has lost the ability to be their own person... It is sad that communication is lacking.. because most people choose to avoid conflict. The problem with living to avoid conflict.. is that we lose ourselves in the process.  It becomes a person's second nature to be agreeable.. just for the sake of agreeing.. I hope I never get to that point.  I have pissed several people off.. some even probably believe that I am just argumentative.. because I can be.. My issue is that I feel that if a person cannot speak their mind.. and live how they truly feel.. then they're fake.. and I really don't want anything to do with them.  I am fine with people disagreeing with me.. I enjoy a civil debate.. and even if opinions are expressed that differ from my own.. then great!!.. It shows me that someone isn't just saying things to keep on my good side.

It's strange.. but it keeps coming up.. about people doing the same thing over and over.. expecting different results.. or maybe they see someone else doing something... over and over.. and figure they can do the same thing and get something different.. This is Einstein's definition of insanity.. and believe it or not.. evidently a lot of people are insane.  I have this sneaking suspicion that a few people I know are headed for a rocky path.. even though they should see it coming.. my whole outlook is I am up front and honest with those people.. and when things fall to hell.. then there will be little sympathy coming from my direction.  I will work not to kick people while they are down.. but my outlook is.. if you make your bed.. you need to lie in it.

I still find myself being very cynical in my outlook.. even concerning most people.  I am always looking at people as though they have some sort of angle.. or motive. I try not to let that shape my entire attitude.. but I have learned the lessons of my past.. and my cynicism cup runneth over. I am always on the outlook to see what lies are being tossed my way.. even though most of the time.. I don't realize that's what I'm looking for.  I find it difficult to trust anyone.. and I always will.. I know people look at me and say... "dude.. give it up already.. let bygones be bygones"  ...I will continue to remind myself of how I feel.. because I will never let myself go down that road again. I am still rubbing off on the people around me.. I think the realism is starting to sink in to some of my friends.. but they still have a long way to go before they become as hopeless as I am in my outlook on relationships and trust.. I have learned that most people are basically the same.. they just allow fantasy to run their life.  I am not interested in fantasy.. My life is real... my feelings are real.. and they always have been.  I cannot be someone who I am not.  I like me.. just as I am.