That's Really All That Matters.

I think that some people may misinterpret some of my posts.. but that's okay.. I know what I mean... I have said that you never really get over anyone.. or anything of significance in your life.. you just learn to live with it.. and after awhile it gets to be tolerable again.. but we all have people that come into and move out of our lives.  Some of those people.. when they leave.. take a chunk of you out with them and you're left with a hole.. over time.. people just get used to the hole being there. It's not like you can ever get that piece of yourself back.. That's why if a person isn't careful.. they can end up with very little left of themselves. I am not at that point.. and there are many people out there who have been through much more than I have.  I only hope that they can stop their habit of falling into the same routine over and over before they wake up one day.. and most of who they are.. is gone.  I left the online world as far as flirtships and affairs are concerned.. because I realize that I can't live the lie.. and there were a few times where I lost myself and started to become like the people I spoke out against. It doesn't matter how good your intentions.. you will eventually be pulled into situations where you end up lying to someone else... just because you feel you have to.. but honestly no one ever has to lie.. we all have choices.. I lied to some of the people closest to me.. not with malicious intent, anyway.. but I did it just the same.. it's at that point where I lost myself.. and I didn't like who I was becoming.  I've always said.. if you aren't happy with yourself.. then change.  Sometimes that first step is the hardest to take... and things aren't always all hunky-dorey afterwards.. but we all struggle from day to day to maintain who we are.  Most of us are living in a state of constant turmoil... trying to hold on to ourselves.. and even I do that occasionally now... but I've been able to regain focus.  I know I've done some things I shouldn't have done.. and said some things I shouldn't have said.. and even hurt others in the process. I have to live with that..  I am not this person who has achieved perfection and is walking a perfect path now.. I struggle just like the rest of the world.. I don't have any more answers than anyone else.. but I still strive to work out my issues.  That's what defines us.. I've said that before.. I'll go further to say... part of what defines us... is the ability to try.. to learn from our mistakes.. and just keep going in life.  Does this mean I'm going to try another relationship?  ...Oh, Hell No!  I was be a complete moron to start down that road again.. not saying that others shouldn't.. but for me I am good where I am.. why would I want to rip my life apart again?  I think those around me realize that I'm never going to change that attitude.. or at least they're getting there. I enjoy the interaction with my friends that I have.. nothing is ever expected of me.. and nothing will be expected.. I help out where I can.. and support what I am able to support.. but that's perfectly fine with me.  I sometimes wonder if maybe people might expect more from me.. and know that if they do.. they will be sorely disappointed. I have my life on track.. and I'm making the effort to move in a more positive manner. That's really all that matters.