I Won't Sugar-coat The Truth.
I put my thoughts here for two reasons.. one.. it helps me to get them out... two.. it gives the people in my life some insight into what goes through my mind. I have found out that the more open a person is.. and honest.. the less a person can be accused of having some sort of motive. I don't understand how people can be dishonest... and expect things not to fall apart. I chat with just a few people... and even those people know that I am going to say things that they might not want to hear. ...if they don't like that, they can kiss my ass. I think I am starting to rub off on a few of them.. Maybe cynicism is contagious.. I don't care if it is.. it is much more realistic than most other viewpoints..
I have been thinking about my past... and the more I think about things.. the more I realize.. I was never in love... I couldn't have been.. love lasts.. and I don't want any of these people in my life anymore.. not knowing all the things they are capable of. So.. maybe I was fooling myself.. or maybe I did have feelings for the person I thought they were. It is a lucky thing that people showed their true colors before I made a stronger commitment. It is a shame that people cannot be themselves from the start of any relationship.. Even many of my friends.. will change as time goes by.. but I don't think it is them that is actually changing.. I believe it is just getting to know a person better. They become more of who they really are.. the longer you know.. and closer you get to someone. I wouldn't expect a person to trust me if I am caught lying.. or.. at least not as much... and I have lied... we all have. I am working to be the most honest I possibly can.. If someone asks me a question that doesn't concern them.. I might not share.. not if it involves someone else.. but never ask me to keep a secret from one of my friends that concerns them. I won't do it.
Today, the students return to the center.. and tomorrow is the first day of classes back. At the moment my classroom is somewhat torn apart. I am building storage shelves to store equipment and components for my class. I am squeezing as many students into my classroom as I possibly can.. but I will deal with the overcrowding as it happens. I am still waiting on word about our center.. and the rumors run rampant. I know there will definitely be some cutbacks.. but I haven't figured out if we will be affected or not. If I were making the decision.. based on common sense alone.. our center would have been closed awhile back.. but it's the government.. so all common sense decisions are out the window. I will continue my present course and do my job to the best of my ability.. until I'm told I no longer have it... That's just the way I am.. I have a strong work ethic.. always have.. always will. Do I always get everything done? ...of course not.. I always take on too much.. having more to do than humanly possible. But, in spite of everything else, I still enjoy making a difference in the lives of my students. I only hope I can continue the same type of career if I were to lose what I have now.
I do hate being in limbo.. but that's where I'm still stuck... sometimes I think I have let myself be put here due to inaction on my part. I have to take credit for that.. I always have a choice on how to act. I need to continue to take responsibility for my situation. I gave someone some advice recently.. "no matter what you do.. and the outcomes that occur.. it's your fault... because you chose your course of action" I can be sympathetic to people when certain things happen beyond their control.. but for the most part.. we all see things coming and continue on the course straight for misery.. I hate kicking people when they are down.. but that's just me.. being bluntly honest. I won't sugar-coat the truth.
I have been thinking about my past... and the more I think about things.. the more I realize.. I was never in love... I couldn't have been.. love lasts.. and I don't want any of these people in my life anymore.. not knowing all the things they are capable of. So.. maybe I was fooling myself.. or maybe I did have feelings for the person I thought they were. It is a lucky thing that people showed their true colors before I made a stronger commitment. It is a shame that people cannot be themselves from the start of any relationship.. Even many of my friends.. will change as time goes by.. but I don't think it is them that is actually changing.. I believe it is just getting to know a person better. They become more of who they really are.. the longer you know.. and closer you get to someone. I wouldn't expect a person to trust me if I am caught lying.. or.. at least not as much... and I have lied... we all have. I am working to be the most honest I possibly can.. If someone asks me a question that doesn't concern them.. I might not share.. not if it involves someone else.. but never ask me to keep a secret from one of my friends that concerns them. I won't do it.
Today, the students return to the center.. and tomorrow is the first day of classes back. At the moment my classroom is somewhat torn apart. I am building storage shelves to store equipment and components for my class. I am squeezing as many students into my classroom as I possibly can.. but I will deal with the overcrowding as it happens. I am still waiting on word about our center.. and the rumors run rampant. I know there will definitely be some cutbacks.. but I haven't figured out if we will be affected or not. If I were making the decision.. based on common sense alone.. our center would have been closed awhile back.. but it's the government.. so all common sense decisions are out the window. I will continue my present course and do my job to the best of my ability.. until I'm told I no longer have it... That's just the way I am.. I have a strong work ethic.. always have.. always will. Do I always get everything done? ...of course not.. I always take on too much.. having more to do than humanly possible. But, in spite of everything else, I still enjoy making a difference in the lives of my students. I only hope I can continue the same type of career if I were to lose what I have now.
I do hate being in limbo.. but that's where I'm still stuck... sometimes I think I have let myself be put here due to inaction on my part. I have to take credit for that.. I always have a choice on how to act. I need to continue to take responsibility for my situation. I gave someone some advice recently.. "no matter what you do.. and the outcomes that occur.. it's your fault... because you chose your course of action" I can be sympathetic to people when certain things happen beyond their control.. but for the most part.. we all see things coming and continue on the course straight for misery.. I hate kicking people when they are down.. but that's just me.. being bluntly honest. I won't sugar-coat the truth.
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