I am hopeful.

So... I've spent awhile this morning... talking about ...things.. with my spouse... she is ready for me to go... we discussed.. looking for her a job... and the probability of my place of employment closing... If it closes...they are obligated to offer me 3 positions.. elsewhere.. at some location... she told me that they wouldn't be going with me.. that they would look for a place to live in the little community where my kids go to school and she could find some place to work there.. She still knows I'm not happy.. and she said that she wasn't happy either... that we would figure out a way to keep me in touch with the kids.. but.. because of who we are.. we won't be happily married.. ever.. and we need to just accept that.... not worrying about our families.. or friends.. or what they think.  She actually has been making some connections during the day with people in the town where my kids go to school.. and she has been making informal plans.. but what with me working so  much overtime.. she felt the need to stay here at home.. for the kids.. now that I will be off evenings and weekends... she thinks that working will be a viable option.   I hope she's able to find something soon.. I've actually got a friend working on that to help her find something... so.. we shall see.. (the hopeful one).

I know that everyone sees how unhappy I am.  I have very little in my life to actually be happy about.  I have a few friends that support me.. and I have a job that pays the bills.... no major ailments.. not a whole lot else that causes me any joy.  I don't laugh... they notice that... I haven't had a reason to laugh. ...but because of this morning's conversation.. I have a reason to look up a little.  While it's sad.. and still has a lot of planning... I feel that my eventual separation.. and divorce will unlock the cage on my life... I won't sit in my room.. alone.. wondering how I could be happier.. for the first time.. in a long time.. I can actually say.. I am hopeful.

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