A Bit Messed Up.. As Usual.

It's a gloomy Friday... sorta matches a fitting end for this week... it seems the weeks get longer and longer.. There's always so much stuff to do... I'm finding that I don't have the motivation to get a lot of it done. I believe that there is just something in the shadows of my life.. just waiting to jump out at me and smite me down again... that seems to be the norm for me... just when I get settled to the way things are.. Fate shines down and sends my life into topsy-turviness.. whether I try to avoid drama.. or whatever events might take me down the bumpy path...  It has been too quiet in my life for the last bit..  I accidentally clicked on a link yesterday that took me to one of the sites that I used to frequent... and I immediately shut it down... I even went as far as to erase that link.  I am clearing out my IM also... if I don't correspond with someone in a month's time... they are no longer going to be in my list... so.. I'm down to 6 people... we'll see how much shorter that list gets over the next month or so.. I don't mind the way things are going.. but for some reason.. I am thinking that drama will soon find me... I really could care less.. I mean.. I love avoiding the drama... but I choose not to let anyone get to me emotionally. For the most part... people who have left my life.. did so of their own accord.. but maybe I'm good at pushing...  as I said yesterday... I can't keep everyday reminders of my inadequacies.. and rejection.. I might be making my life a bit more full of solitude.. but by the same token, I am also walking away from those that are choosing to walk along a different path than I am choosing.  I really do have a lot on my mind today.. but it's going to take me some time.. just to try to figure out how to start sorting it out.. My head is a bit messed up.. as usual.

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