Live In Reality

I got to thinking.. and I have to say.... I don't want anyone to feel obligated to stay in my life... for my part.. I feel no obligation to anyone... I choose how I want to be.. and that's who I am. Those that choose to be a part of my life.. can accept it.. those that don't.. need to do what's best for them. It's not like anyone is an indispensable part of anyone else's life... we sometimes feel better after being in the presence of someone else's company for awhile.. but that person can move out of our lives.. and even though it may cause some sorry... or sadness... we continue to go on... that's the way it is with everyone.. we can't control what is going to happen for the most part...  we just have to deal with ourselves and who we are.. I've been told that I am to negative... that's fine.. I agree with that. I choose to be negative... and I will start out each day... reminding myself of what I've gone through..  If I choose not to learn from my mistakes.. then any pain and suffering I bring on myself... is entirely my fault... I think that's why I am handling this last rejection so much better than before... because I know that a lot of it IS my fault... I knew the consequences of trying to believe.. and I went ahead and did it anyway.  I know better.. and my fortitude is much stouter now.. I only have to keep sight of how moronic I was to try to establish a relationship based on words alone... words can cause painful wounds on our soul if we let someone get close enough to us to brandish them in that manner. In the end... it's all just words.. If I can keep that in my head.. I might just be able to heal...  I am in a bit of emotional distress.. but I can see it will be okay... I only need to keep myself in a place I know I am safe..  I was there once.. but I was foolish.. I decided to put aside the past.. and believe that something might exist beyond the reality that I lived in.. I cannot let myself live in the fantasy world that sometimes I create in my mind..  It might allow us to feel better for awhile.. but it's like taking drugs.. sure.. you escape reality for awhile.. but sooner or later.. you come crashing back to the earth.. and the higher you let yourself fly.. the harder the crash. I have a mantra I say to myself each morning when I wake up  now...  "Live in reality.. live in reality"  ...it's short ...simple.. and says so much... I will leave my dreams for when I am sleeping.. I need to keep focused on what is real.. and what isn't.. and as far as the online world is concerned.. it's only a drug... a distraction to offer a break from the sometimes harsh world we live in... I can interact.. but I will keep things in perspective.. and I will.. Live in Reality.

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