I Have Nothing To Hide.
So... I had a vividly erotic dream last night... but woke up.. and nothing.. no effect whatsoever.. very odd... but.. pretty much par for the course.. The big thing is.. I'm not as worried about it.. as I am amazed that I didn't wake to "morning wood". Today has been 4 weeks since I left the sites.. Being perfectly honest, I really am in a much less tense mood... wondering what crap is going to be spread today about who... it really IS like a high school.. or soap opera.. My life will have enough issues with my job situation.. and my divorce.. that I don't need to take on the challenges of having to deal with the drama perpetuated by the sites I frequently visited.. I choose my path... and allow things to be as they are... not as someone else makes them out to be..
Life is pretty much about perception.. If we perceive a situation to be a certain way... If we allow ourselves to believe a certain way... then that will become close enough to reality that it really doesn't matter what is real and what is not.. because in our minds and hearts.. it is real.. what does anything else matter? I am certain that a person can talk themselves into almost anything.. if they choose to believe it hard enough. There are even some studies where people have made themselves physically sick by believing long enough that they were sick. The mind is a valuable tool.. and if we can harness our thoughts for our benefit, we can become who we want to be.. Each person has their own demons to deal with... and their own idea of the way they should be handled.. so there is little need for me to tell someone how they should live their life... live it the way they want... just as I live mine... I will be perfectly content in knowing that much of whatever comes my way... is my fault.. brought about by the actions I have chosen.. I hope to be able to say that life won't use me as its whipping boy any longer.
I just had my bath... as I do every morning.. and most of the time.. that gives me just a few minutes to lay in the hot water... and relax a bit.. It seems I am generally more wound up in the mornings than at any other time of the day. I sometimes post in the evenings.. along with my morning posts.. but usually the entries I make then are not as.. deliberate.. I think I try to rid myself of some of my burden of thought each morning before I go out to face a new day. This isn't the way I walk around all the time... Sure.. it's my sentiment at the time... and there is very little if anything that makes me think... "Oh.. I shouldn't have posted that" I need this outlet... maybe it helps me to keep from going insane with all the issues in my life that I let bother me. I would strongly recommend everyone keep a blog.. or journal.. or diary... that way you can see how your life progresses... or doesn't progress.. from month to month... year to year. I am okay with how I am... I'm satisfied with who I am... Okay... so I'm cynical.. I'm untrusting.. but.. I'm also honest about all of it.. I get to thinking sometimes about how people have opened up to me at times.. and I've really done nothing out of the ordinary... but I've given them someone to listen to... a sounding board that tries to only offer advice when someone seeks it out. Now that I am in the not-so-bright portion of my life.. I have a few people that want me to open up... to share.. That is what I'm doing.. here. I don't distinguish really the different levels of openness... I'm more comfortable just getting my thoughts and emotions out in this fashion... and allowing anyone that chooses to be a part of my life.. to read and think about what I have written. This is a very personal part of my mind.. but I have no problem sharing some of who I am.. with anyone.. It's in this manner that I can sometimes get a little feedback... but that's not really what I'm searching for.. Because I've transcribed my thoughts and feelings.. it gives them a little more substance... it makes them more tangible.... more real. They are not just glimpses of ideas that will remain unspoken inside my mind. It really has helped me to be able to blog. Anyone that stumbles across what is here... is welcome inside my head.... I have nothing to hide.
Life is pretty much about perception.. If we perceive a situation to be a certain way... If we allow ourselves to believe a certain way... then that will become close enough to reality that it really doesn't matter what is real and what is not.. because in our minds and hearts.. it is real.. what does anything else matter? I am certain that a person can talk themselves into almost anything.. if they choose to believe it hard enough. There are even some studies where people have made themselves physically sick by believing long enough that they were sick. The mind is a valuable tool.. and if we can harness our thoughts for our benefit, we can become who we want to be.. Each person has their own demons to deal with... and their own idea of the way they should be handled.. so there is little need for me to tell someone how they should live their life... live it the way they want... just as I live mine... I will be perfectly content in knowing that much of whatever comes my way... is my fault.. brought about by the actions I have chosen.. I hope to be able to say that life won't use me as its whipping boy any longer.
I just had my bath... as I do every morning.. and most of the time.. that gives me just a few minutes to lay in the hot water... and relax a bit.. It seems I am generally more wound up in the mornings than at any other time of the day. I sometimes post in the evenings.. along with my morning posts.. but usually the entries I make then are not as.. deliberate.. I think I try to rid myself of some of my burden of thought each morning before I go out to face a new day. This isn't the way I walk around all the time... Sure.. it's my sentiment at the time... and there is very little if anything that makes me think... "Oh.. I shouldn't have posted that" I need this outlet... maybe it helps me to keep from going insane with all the issues in my life that I let bother me. I would strongly recommend everyone keep a blog.. or journal.. or diary... that way you can see how your life progresses... or doesn't progress.. from month to month... year to year. I am okay with how I am... I'm satisfied with who I am... Okay... so I'm cynical.. I'm untrusting.. but.. I'm also honest about all of it.. I get to thinking sometimes about how people have opened up to me at times.. and I've really done nothing out of the ordinary... but I've given them someone to listen to... a sounding board that tries to only offer advice when someone seeks it out. Now that I am in the not-so-bright portion of my life.. I have a few people that want me to open up... to share.. That is what I'm doing.. here. I don't distinguish really the different levels of openness... I'm more comfortable just getting my thoughts and emotions out in this fashion... and allowing anyone that chooses to be a part of my life.. to read and think about what I have written. This is a very personal part of my mind.. but I have no problem sharing some of who I am.. with anyone.. It's in this manner that I can sometimes get a little feedback... but that's not really what I'm searching for.. Because I've transcribed my thoughts and feelings.. it gives them a little more substance... it makes them more tangible.... more real. They are not just glimpses of ideas that will remain unspoken inside my mind. It really has helped me to be able to blog. Anyone that stumbles across what is here... is welcome inside my head.... I have nothing to hide.
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