Nobody Is Perfect.

I've discovered that people are much more passive than we give them credit for.  Very few people choose to be direct.. but instead.. choose to ignore their part in things in the hopes that conflict will just go away. It's not always a bad thing.. but we cannot see inside the minds of people on the other end.  Mis-communication always exists in some form or another... and where we choose to be only aware of our part in things.. it doesn't always make us right. If you look at things from someone else's angle.. you will almost always see everything completely differently... if you keep an open mind.  It doesn't always pay to keep an open mind though.. because that other person's point of view could be detrimental to our mental well-being. I know that people don't see things the same way as I do.. and even thought it may appear somewhat selfish on my part, I am past the point of putting other people first.  I've done that for too long and wound up sucking it up and dealing with whatever happens to be left.. which in most cases isn't very much.  I will still put my daughters first.. no matter what... that is an obligation which I cannot nor will not shirk. It gets difficult for us to see outside the box we place around ourselves.. and where I sometimes struggle to see outside... I AM selfish... I want good things for me... I don't know how long I will be this way... but I hate getting cast aside by people instead of trying to work things through.. I won't let that happen again... I've not run away from anyone... I'm still in the same place I've always been... and I don't ignore anyone that chooses to be a part of my life... but by the same token, I won't seek out those people who have chosen to walk a different path from mine. People might decide they are right about things... and I will be the first to admit.. there are probably several things I haven't been right about... but I have always stayed with what I've felt.. not making up excuses to try to believe in something else when I really didn't feel that way. I don't want to hurt anyone... I've said that many times before.. but unfortunately.. people get hurt by the truth. I will say what I feel.. as soon as I figure out what that is..  Sometimes I need to think about things.. and even many times.. I say or do things on a reaction... it's these times when I find I make the most mistakes. It is very difficult to put yourself in the place of another.. and try to understand what they're feeling... when the pain of your own emotion is so blinding.. I don't want to ever go through the issues I've put myself through... but in the same respect, I don't want to subject those around me to living with my past mistakes. I am trying to put things aside.. even to the point of pushing certain people out of my life.. because the pain is too great to carry on with daily reminders... but I only do it because of a sense of self-preservation... I tend to invest too much of myself into my relationships.. I grew up with the fantastical notion that is just what is expected... but if you do that.. I have found that you just wind up risking more hurt and losing more of yourself when something finally happens to that relationship.
I sometimes hate being put in the middle of arguments.. but for the most part.. I will try to see both sides of a situation.. I believe that is why people come to me concerning conflict and disagreements... but if you don't like what I have to say.. then don't ask for my opinion... it's very seldom that one side is ever completely in the right.. even if they can't see it any other way.  It takes two people to argue... to have a conflict... and most of the time.. a resolution can only be brought about when one side decides to quit being stubborn and give in... but again.. that depends on how strong the relationship is in the first place... If someone isn't that emotionally invested.. on many occasions, it's much simpler to just "cut bait" and let things go. That's an old fisherman's term.. when the struggle gets too difficult for the reward.. the line is sometimes severed.. and the fish gets  released.  We tend to sometimes struggle too much for something.. because we are too stubborn to just give up... but then it's so much easier to let one... two .. or even three instances demolish the existence of something special.. friendship.. or even a relationship.. I believe that we as humans need to draw our line in the sand.. back at a place that allows for mistakes.. because you have to remember... nobody is perfect.