Waiting To See Where I Will Land.
For what purpose do people want to cause conflict... or drama.. even at work, there is so much drama in my life at the moment.. and so much crap going on.. it used to be a place I could go to.. to just get away from the staleness of my life at home. Now... it seems as though everyone is turning on everyone else. I probably won't take the supervisor position, even though yesterday I was approached about being the only one locally who really would qualify for it. sure.. it would be a 9k raise.. but I'd have to go back to a trial period.. and I really don't want a position that could open me up to be a scapegoat for the problems occurring on center. That being said, I also don't believe the center will be there much longer.. of course I could be wrong... I have been mistaken several times...
I got a spam mail from someone who I would have thought dropped me off their email contact list a long time ago.. this person was never even someone I was involved with. I informed her of the mistake, and steps have been taken to remove me... or so she said.. I kinda doubt it though... most people can't seem to move away from their past.. It seems every time I try, there are constant reminders... or things that come up and cause old wounds to become sore again... There are a few people in my past whose wounds will never quite heal.. and the reminders of their having been a part of my life will surface from time to time... I will just have to deal with that reality and adjust... as I am so prone to having to do. It seems like my life is geared toward adjusting for my situation... and at the moment, I feel so powerless to do anything about it. I am somewhat of a control freak.. I admit that.. and the fact that so many facets of my existence are in limbo really disturbs me. Right now, I am hesitant to say anything is definite about anything... As I have said before, this blog is my feelings at the moment I write them. If there is one thing I have learned... there are very few absolutes. I don't believe in anything, because everything changes... and there are so many issues that aren't what they seem. It has always been this way in my world.. I am just becoming more perceptive.. that my perception is many times based on a lie. I don't even trust myself anymore.. so how can I trust in anything else. I don't mean to aim at anyone in particular... nor do I propose to cause conflict... just for the sake of drama. I will continue to exist the best way I know how... and those that choose to be a part of it.. can take me for who I am... As far as I know, there are few people out there that put out their thoughts and feelings for anyone to see... I do that.. because this is what I wish to share about myself... usually if it isn't here... It either isn't that important.. or it's something that I am still mulling over in my head. There are all kinds of thoughts that I labor on inside my mind... and I really don't have anything to hide.. I just choose not to share those things which may be drama for the sake of drama. Even still, I sometimes put forth in my blog a few things that do cause drama... or issues with others.. I don't do it on purpose.. or with malice... but I am trying to be truthful with what I am feeling.. or maybe I am just trying to work those things out by writing them down.. whatever the case may be.. I don't ask about others.. because I figure they will tell me things they want me to know... I have to remember that everyone can't share what's going on inside their head the way I do...
Yesterday I was given an article to read by a friend... and I did read it.. even though I went further than that.. and did more research beyond the article... then I got caught up in the drama of my little world.. and didn't get back to this person.. Yesterday was somewhat of an emotional day for me.. There is so much going on at work.. home... just in my life in general.. that I am struggling to keep it all straight. I feel like the feather being blown about in the wind... and I'm still waiting to see where I will land.
I got a spam mail from someone who I would have thought dropped me off their email contact list a long time ago.. this person was never even someone I was involved with. I informed her of the mistake, and steps have been taken to remove me... or so she said.. I kinda doubt it though... most people can't seem to move away from their past.. It seems every time I try, there are constant reminders... or things that come up and cause old wounds to become sore again... There are a few people in my past whose wounds will never quite heal.. and the reminders of their having been a part of my life will surface from time to time... I will just have to deal with that reality and adjust... as I am so prone to having to do. It seems like my life is geared toward adjusting for my situation... and at the moment, I feel so powerless to do anything about it. I am somewhat of a control freak.. I admit that.. and the fact that so many facets of my existence are in limbo really disturbs me. Right now, I am hesitant to say anything is definite about anything... As I have said before, this blog is my feelings at the moment I write them. If there is one thing I have learned... there are very few absolutes. I don't believe in anything, because everything changes... and there are so many issues that aren't what they seem. It has always been this way in my world.. I am just becoming more perceptive.. that my perception is many times based on a lie. I don't even trust myself anymore.. so how can I trust in anything else. I don't mean to aim at anyone in particular... nor do I propose to cause conflict... just for the sake of drama. I will continue to exist the best way I know how... and those that choose to be a part of it.. can take me for who I am... As far as I know, there are few people out there that put out their thoughts and feelings for anyone to see... I do that.. because this is what I wish to share about myself... usually if it isn't here... It either isn't that important.. or it's something that I am still mulling over in my head. There are all kinds of thoughts that I labor on inside my mind... and I really don't have anything to hide.. I just choose not to share those things which may be drama for the sake of drama. Even still, I sometimes put forth in my blog a few things that do cause drama... or issues with others.. I don't do it on purpose.. or with malice... but I am trying to be truthful with what I am feeling.. or maybe I am just trying to work those things out by writing them down.. whatever the case may be.. I don't ask about others.. because I figure they will tell me things they want me to know... I have to remember that everyone can't share what's going on inside their head the way I do...
Yesterday I was given an article to read by a friend... and I did read it.. even though I went further than that.. and did more research beyond the article... then I got caught up in the drama of my little world.. and didn't get back to this person.. Yesterday was somewhat of an emotional day for me.. There is so much going on at work.. home... just in my life in general.. that I am struggling to keep it all straight. I feel like the feather being blown about in the wind... and I'm still waiting to see where I will land.
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