Satisfied With A Mediocre Life

A weekend.. just a few days with nothing to do... I am able to just let my mind wander.  There really is evidence to support that I am just a dark person now... but this is my deepest thoughts.. in every day life, I have some other ideas that ramble through my head other than the pit of despair that I exude in my posts here.  This is just a place where I am able to try to deal with those issues that affect my life in such a way that I need to let them out... I think we all have a bright side and a dark side.  Perhaps it's my Gemini nature that make me unique in that way.  I have so much inside me that claws to get out sometime... the part I keep buried from everyday activities. Anyone who sees me out on the street..or in my work environment would never guess there is so much conflict going on inside the professional appearance.  We all hide behind different masks on a day-to-day basis... some of us just choose to internalize our frustrations and hurt... I don't believe in that..  Yes.. it may appear that I am full of this melancholy attitude that I display here.. if you read this.. but... again.. this isn't all of me.. this is only a side of myself that I can share with those I would care to call friends... otherwise they wouldn't be able to read this... I don't publicly announce my blog... nor do I make it searchable..

I haven't posted in the last few days.. because I just didn't feel like I wanted to.. I'm not getting dependent on anything. I won't let anything take control of me. I tend to sometimes be melodramatic at times... or at least I appear that way.  This is because these feelings and emotions inside.... are so important to me. I choose to deal with them in the best way I know how.. and where everything I say at the time.. IS truly what I'm thinking or feeling.. it's not all I feel.  I use this blog to sort out those things that I cannot sort out any other way.  When I blog.. I don't feel the need to hold anything back.. I just don't throw anything out there that I don't need to get rid of... I think the good feelings.. I hold onto inside myself.. because I do have so many dark things I want to purge.. I need something to cling to to balance the load of shit that sometimes my life goes through.  I really am satisfied where my life is.. and I think I'm reaching a point of harmony between the good and bad.. that doesn't mean that I am happy... and I'm releasing a lot of the sadness here.. Most of the time.. I was thinking that life could be extraordinary because I had hope and faith in the future. Whatever the future holds.. I don't think it's actually is going to be very spectacular... but I think that maybe I might just be able to be satisfied with a mediocre life.

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