Not To Fall For The Fairy Tale Ending

I'm back in the classroom.. and even though I'm calm, cool, and collected on the outside, I am as much in turmoil inside as I ever have been.  I am trying to deal with some realizations, but even as I know things are a certain way... it's no easier to digest the reality of life.  I feel like a horrible person sometimes... because I just can't seem to "get it right"...everyone else seems to know what's better for me than I do... and most seem to have more clarity of thought.. It is a general consensus that I let myself get used by people.. for some ulterior motive they have in their head.. and maybe I do... that's  not the point.. the issue is that I allowed myself to fall... to plunge... and take a chance because I chose to believe in something... whether or not that was the brightest thing or not... doesn't matter.. I did it.. it didn't work out.. and I have to learn from that. We as human being have the distinct capabilities from learning when we make mistakes... even if it didn't feel like a mistake at the time.. most trainwrecks in relationships are not noticeable to the people in the relationship... that's why I am understanding that it might not be the best of things to actually believe in something substantial.. especially just because it seems a certain way... it takes two people to make any relationship work.. and there is no way of controlling how that other person is going to feel.. or how they might change. All you can do is hope that a person is knowledgeable enough about what they want.. and that they communicate all this to you before you become too emotionally attached.  I should have known better than to think with my heart... I have the tendency to let my heart control my actions.. and to trust in that.. but as with most pain and suffering in relationships, it is a foolish thing to trust only in what one feels in his/her heart.. There are so many external factors that will destroy your faith in what you feel.. I was a logical thinker at one time... and I let logic go out the window in hopes that there might exist something that didn't need to be analysed... something that could transcend the doubts of the past and thrive on its own... I know that even if this does exist.. the chances of finding it are not worth the risk... there is too much hurt involved in seeking such a thing.. I have been shown a lot in the last few years... most of which is that I don't have a clue about relationships.. and that I can't make something exist in someone else's heart.. just by believing in it.. in mine.. no matter how strongly I believe.. I will go ahead with my life.. a little bit wiser.. and perhaps a bit stronger.. able to resist the urge to trust and believe in something in that I'm certain doesn't exist ...or won't exist.. in my life. ...I will try to focus my strength.. not to fall for the fairy tale ending...