Until I'm Out Of Limbo

The last couple of nights I've been asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.. then I sleep for just a little while before I wake up in the middle of the night.. and can't sleep.. last night I was up for nearly 3 hours as I lie awake ...kept my eyes shut.. and tried to think of nothing in particular in hopes of going back to sleep. At least it was rest.. not that I've needed a whole lot of that... I really haven't done anything strenuous this whole weekend... unless you account the scorpions I took out while playing World of Warcraft... hey... I could have chipped a nail on the keyboard... I just read where my sis is having a hard time with her oldest just leaving for college... but at least he's close. I figure mine will just be a few years behind... and then I will end up missing them also. My youngest is growing very attached to me.. she hangs out with me in my room.. and we just talk... well.. she talks.. and I just listen.. about all kinds of stuff. I think it will be very difficult on her when I leave... she said the other day... if I lose my job and have to go to another state... don't go... I told her that sometimes we have to do things sometimes that we don't want to.. in order to live.  It isn't that I don't want to go to another state.. but leaving her will be the most difficult thing.  ...but she knows I'm not happy.  I am certain she can tell.  I try to be okay around her.. and she seems to accept that. That's what I will have to settle for.. My oldest daughter.. might have a little difficulty.. but I am not worried that she will understand.. and that she will adjust to it.. I know my youngest will too... but I am still concerned at the amount of adjusting she will have to do.  I love them both.. and if not for them.. I would have been gone a long time ago.

I have found out that final word on shutting down centers should come in November and that they are going to shut down 7 centers.... but... no one seems to know which ones.. I am fairly certain my center will be one. They are sending 11 people here this week to evaluate our center. that's almost 3 times what they usually send.  ...I'm kinda guessing it will be a determination on whether or not to keep us open... but by now.. I would think they have a good idea... I have students taking their tests tomorrow so it will be another day in Nashville. ...I suppose everything will continue as it has been.. until I'm out of limbo.

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