I've Reached My Limit

I'm beginning to think that mornings suck now as much as ever... Some mornings I wake up and want to just go back to sleep... I keep thinking that if I don't want something to happen ..out of the ordinary.. that it won't.. but there is still a part of me that fears I might begin to see things in a different fashion.. I am positive that won't happen anytime in the near future... but I have urges to push everyone and everything out of my life.. just so I know for sure it won't happen. Still, I'm certain that I make my self abundantly clear about who I am.. and what I don't want.. I don't mean for it to continue to be negative.. and draw down people around me, but I have to make certain that my motives for talking with people aren't misunderstood.. I feel like I'm beginning to make people see that I am headed for a certain direction... and I am doing that willingly... again.. there is no anger... no frustration... just logic... I am beginning to see life back in my logical fashion... minus all the emotional pitfalls I once let myself become ensnared in. I understand that people might not agree with my choices... or the direction I choose to travel.. but that's not really up to them is it?  ...if someone is my friend.. they will accept my decisions for my life.. I don't expect everyone to walk along this road with me.. as a matter of fact.. it's probably easier if most people don't. I give kudos to those who feel they want to bring me to some sort of self-awareness.. that the state I am headed for is self-destructive.. for they are doing so because they care, but by the same fashion... I'm not anyone else.. I am very stubborn... and I will do things my way. I choose my path.. I won't be gutted again...

Sometimes... I go back and read my previous posts.. there are a lot of stupid remarks, but all of them are things I was feeling at the time. I have misled myself on numerous occasions.. as has everyone.. I have become cynical.. and that's okay.. people need to understand that I'm not being.. destructive.. Think of this... you meet someone... and fall for this person.. and then you ask.. how many people have you slept with... and that person answers.. 473.... what are your first thoughts?  ...maybe... "WOW... you'll screw anything that moves won't you"  ...what about 273... or just 73 ... or maybe just 3.. is there a point where we can determine how many people you've slept with isn't a factor in determining if you're just another in a long line waiting.. It shouldn't be about the number of people you have sex with... but every person has a different set of standards... I don't have a problem with anyone having been with 73... but I set a goal for myself long ago... Sex is a very special thing.. if it wasn't.. with the way my sex drive was... I'd fall into the 473 range..  I have a control over myself and won't ever let things go any further than they have now... It's a personal choice.. again.. everyone has their limits... of what they're comfortable with.. I've reached my limit.

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