That's just me...

Ok.. so.. I'm in training today.. well.. part of the day... I go to work.. for 2 hours.. then leave work.. and drive to training.. 45 min away.. then in training 6 hours.. back to my original location another 45 min drive.. then 4 - 6 hours back at work... it's going to be a long day. I've decided that I need to be thinking about what I really want to post in here.. everything I post.. seems to be interpreted as though I am wanting to be Data.. from the Star Trek- TNG..  in all reality.. when I brought up Spock.. and being Vulcan.. if you remember.. the emotions still existed within those people.. Data didn't have emotions.. and sometimes that might be better.. but I will have my emotions.. my thoughts.. my feelings.. I have them very strongly in fact... I just can't allow myself to follow.. or trust them. I am thinking that is what will cause the most pain.. I've too many times.. believed in what I was feeling.. and dove in head first.. not caring if there was water in the pool or not.. Maybe there's a  happy medium.. I really don't know.. Why do we make life so complicated.. I think that each of us have ideas on how our life should be.. but what's the cost in trying to achieve this?  I've hurt a friend just recently.. and even though I don't mean to.. I'm certain it won't be the last time.  Sometimes I see the point in total seclusion.. at least that way, it's only yourself that you have to feel responsible for.. and there is no chance of anyone else hurting.. or being hurt. Life is much more simpler if you think of it in those terms.. unfortunately.. we all interact with others.. and in doing so, we open up ourselves to a world of pain.  Our actions define us.. we can say that we don't want to do something all we want.. but if we have no inhibitions.. and end up doing it anyway.. then it shows we really do want to do those things.. whether we admit it to ourselves.. or not.  and that's part of the problem.. If I am told something.. if I read something.. I am the type of person to believe what a person writes.. as much as I believe in a person.. I trust that person the same amount... whether it be written.. or said.. or defined in their actions.. When we betray that trust.. I find myself not being quite as trusting..  so, it is a definite step back.. all of our actions define who we are.. when we act on emotional response.. it's a primal reaction.. something at the base level of ourselves that comes out.. so.. whether we choose to be a certain way.. or not.. it is a part of us.. Everything I blog about.. is a part of me.. it's a part of who I am.. I take what I write very seriously.. because it is a window into my mind.. Yes.. some of what I blog might not always make sense.. but it does to me... and that's what matters.. I try not to blog for others.. but sometimes I blog to clarify what I feel.. so it's for my benefit.. I don't justify anything I say or do.. because I don't feel the need to. If people don't want to be a part of my world.. then don't.. I'm not holding you back.. and if I don't hear from you in awhile.. I realize that you choose not to be a part of it.. I will never go chasing anyone down.. trying to get you to be in my life... I don't want or need people like that... if you care about me.. you show it.. unless you're like me.. and refuse to admit to all the volatile thoughts that continuously run through my brain... Inside, I am constantly conflicted.. I run through a wide range of emotions.. a psychiatrist would have a field day with my mind.. but that's just me..