Live... sleep.. and dream in darkness.

Still cold.. snow on the ground.. I am still waking up.. and facing each day... I have found it a little difficult to sleep lately.. it's like I wake up and just lie awake.. sometimes I just sleep a couple of hours.. but even when I sleep all night.. it's still broken sleep.. it's like I'm restless.. like my whole life is restless.. I don't know what to believe in anymore.. I don't even believe in myself.. I mean.. I know what things appear to be.. but what are they really.. and can any of us answer that question?  ...how many times have you thought something to be a certain way.. only to find out that you were completely off base... even at the time.. you were soooo sure about things.. it just goes to show that no matter what we believe in.. no matter how adamant we are that this is the way things are.. we could be wrong.. or things could change.. or a revelation can occur.. and everything you thought was real... everything you thought was... isn't.. I don't think any plans we make.. or ideas we have in our head.. make a whole lot of difference. I am resolved to the idea that things will be a certain way .. whether we choose for them to be that way or not.. If you think about all the times in your life where you have been disappointed by appearances... it will support what I'm saying.. We have perceptions about life.. and events.. but we only see one side.. and we never know what is waiting around the curve to mow us down.. knock us off our feet.. all we can do is just brush ourselves off.. and continue on... waiting for the next event to punch us in the gut. I know this seems pessimistic.. and maybe that's what I've become.. a cynical pessimist.. I had a friend say that she was going to blog the exact opposite of what I've been spewing.. something upbeat.. something optimistic... I think that might work for a bit.. but there is too much in life that tears you down.. to keep it up for very long. We each live in our own little world.. and make do with the bright spots we encounter.. but for the most part.. we live.. sleep.. and dream in darkness.

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