I'm so analytical.

Another Saturday.. and I'm heading to work.. or at least that's what I'm planning on.. here in just a bit.  It's not all that bad.. I just need to make certain that I don't burn myself out.  I can't seem to get very motivated to do a whole lot lately.. but work.. I have made that a centerpoint of my life.. it brings in money to support my family.. and gives my mind something to occupy itself. I still wonder how I came to be at the point I am in.. but I'm not revisiting the past.. by any means..  I took it upon myself to compose a list of people that I have known.. almost all online.. but a few offline.. that have been casual friends.. close friends.. and even more.. and have betrayed my trust.. either by cheating on someone else.. and lying to me about it.. or just lying to me... and I'm not talking about just spouses.. I'm talking about people they claim to love.. because you can't truly love someone.. and cheat on them.. not an intimate love.. I don't intimately love my spouse.. I care for her as a friend.. but our deep feelings of an intimate nature were gone before I would come online. Anyway in this casual beginning of a list.. I kept thinking about people.. and the numbers started adding up quickly.. I.. at one time.. opened up to a lot of people... offering friendship.. talking quite a bit with several people.. nothing more than friendship with most all of them.. but still my numbers top 150 people by just a few..   THAT is the main reason I don't trust people.. I don't trust people not to lie to me.. I don't trust people not to be open and honest.. I can understand why people would think my reasoning would be unfounded if it were a few people.. even a couple of dozen.. but to catch that many people (and yes.. most of them were online friends) ... tells me that people cannot be trusted... about half of the people on my list.. were people I figured might lie to me anyway...  about half of them.. were people that never got super close..  but of the remaining 35-40 people.. that I tried to get to know very well.. again.. most not as lovers.. but possibly prospective loves.. I was astounded at the time I found out I was lied to.. and I think most of them.. really didn't do it on purpose.. or maybe they did.. it's the nature of the beast.. online.. people lie.. sooner or later.. they get sucked into it.. that's why I removed myself.. before I got sucked into it.I've always tried to be as open.. truthful.. real and trustworthy as I can be.. if I tell something that isn't true.. it's something I'm not aware of being untrue. and when I figure that out.. I correct myself.. but I only have a few people in my life that I will talk to now.. those that have the possibilty of being completely trustworthy.. but I don't believe that I will ever completely trust anyone.. some of my previous friends went a long time before I found out the truth about them.. it only takes a little bit to rock your faith in someone.. I hope that I never become the type of person that I am talking about.. I welcome anyone into my world.. my life.. that want to be a friend.. and I do care about my friends.. but in my mind.. no matter who you are.. I cannot completely trust.. and I don't see myself ever being able to.. please don't take it personally.. It's not meant as a personal attack on anyone.. but now that I have crunched the numbers they completely support what I have felt. I don't expect anyone to trust me either.. and I am ok with that.. given the data I've calculated..  I'm so analytical.

Comments

  1. Daisy Publications January 28, 2012 at 8:42 AM

    you laid quite the bed of egg shells SP... as far as the eye can see... this should be tons of fun! xoxo

    ReplyDelete

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