It's all I can hope for.

It's a new year... some seem to think it may be our last.. that the world will end this year..  The world as I knew it ended last year.. at least was majorly devastated.. now.. I feel like an apocalyptic survivor.. trying to make it through each day... it seems as though there is a lot of rebuilding to do.. I just don't have the strength to do it.  So.. a new year.. new resolutions.. new plans.. new goals..  well... I'm not going to fall into that trap this year.. I make resolutions each year just to be broken.. I thought about making a resolutions ... that I wouldn't make resolutions.. but then I would have already broken it. Ok.. I have one thing I want to do.. but I am making something ridiculously easy.. I resolve to do (at least) 25 situps each day.  That should be enough to get me started on the road to a bit more fitness. I suppose I will sit around all day.. again.. not doing anything constructive.  People seem to think that goals are so important.. and I suppose I agree.. for those who have will power it helps to focus that will power in a certain direction.. but what about those of us who really don't care about what happens all that much. I feel my willpower slowly fading away.. day by day.. not really caring if I get anything done.. not really sure I need to do anything specific.. what's it all for, anyway... We struggle.. to survive.. to get through... what.. we're going to live.. The tibetan monks have the right idea.. give up everything.. and just meditate.. don't struggle.. just accept things and go with them.. shave your head and lock yourself away from the rest of the world.... I did the head shaving thing.. but my hair has grown back... and I tried locking myself away from the rest of the world.. in my room.. playing my game.. but the rest of the world has creeped back in.. and things continue on as before.. My dream last night.. I was on a bus in a big city.. it kept taking me further and further from my destination.. then I figured out that I was going to arrive too late.. so I just got off the bus... and everything was unfamiliar.. I was lost.. and I kept trying to get help.. but no one seemed to notice me.. all I needed was freakin' directions.. and no one would talk to me.. I went into building after building.. up and down stairs.. same thing.. no one would tell me anything... they just looked at me with pleasant friendly faces and smiled.. it was like I was speaking a foreign language.. It was a frustrating experience... I am looking forward to a short week at work.. followed by a long weekend away.. I hope my dad is too occupied with my mom to bug the hell out of me like he normally does.
I was just thinking .. I don't read my horoscope anymore.. I sorta lost faith in that too.. I felt like someone knew something that I didn't.. and could maybe guide me a bit.. but now I realize it's all commercialized.. Life is pretty much a commercial.. we are all actors.. trying to get through to the main show.. and no one pays attention to commercials.. or at least not most of them.. they end.. and then just become a memory.. that's what I'll be one day.. just a memory.. Maybe my commercial will be a memorable one.. or inspirational one to some.. It's all I can hope for.