Hang on for one bumpy ride.

Monday... the start of a brand new week.. it was such a short weekend. but I'm back to working as early as ever.  There is supposed to be a new-hire come in today... we'll see.. most people aren't going to pack everything up and move across country for a GS-5 position... too little pay for a major life change... but there are a few that do it anyway.  I suppose if I had no prospects for a job, I might do something similar... I am hoping that my tax refund comes today... I made $20k more last year than the previous year.. and yet it all still goes somewhere... it's not about money anyway... I'll never be rich unless I win a lottery.. I know that... I just hope to continue to be able to support my daughters. that's all I need, really. I got to spend some time with them this weekend.. a little anyway.. but they continue to do their own thing for the most part... and I'm ok with that..

I was told that I should start blogging in the evening.. instead of the morning.. because I am always sad and grumpy in the morning.. not really.. I just use this blog to mull over the issues of my life.. and this is where I release... by the time afternoon rolls around, I am coming to terms with the things I have written. If I blogged in the evening.. then I'd go to bed with all this on my mind.. I'm fairly certain I wouldn't get a whole lot of sleep.  Yes.. the issues in my life do bother me from time to time.. but the way I live.. at the moment.. I am fine with it... it's because I feel like I can adapt to almost anything.. but even I have a limit.. a breaking point.. there were times where I felt close to it.. but the worst thing I can do.. would be to check myself into a psychiatric facility.. because at that point it becomes more than I can literally bear.. I am not a suicidal person.. and don't feel that I ever will be.. I think that is a coward that has to resort to that.   Yes.. I have dark issues.. trust issues.. abandonment issues.. I am becoming self-sufficient.  I was told last night that people think I may never come out of this.. duh.. what have I been writing about for the last 6 months... the same thing I will continue to write about.   ...and if anyone from my past tries to come back into my life.. I will push for all I'm worth.. I won't relive the pain it's taken me to adjust.  I choose to accept people for who they are.. and I will try not to tell anyone how to live.. or whether or not they belong in my life..   but if someone chooses to be around me.. if someone chooses to explore my friendship and witness my issues on a day to day basis...  hang on for one bumpy ride.