My pit of emotional dispair.

Another morning... not certain whether I will be working today.. but as of now.. I'm not scheduled.. so.. I lay in bed thinking about things.. which lately... isn't a good thing..  Even though I've already broken my New Year's resolution.. I made up for it this morning.. doing 40 situps.. still.. it's a broken "promise" ...I think life is a series of broken promises.. whatever happened to the old-fashioned values that we are only as good as our word.. yeah.. I know.. it's only a New Year's resolution.. but it only takes slipping on one thing.. that leads to another.. then another.. then we become complacent.. it's like a lot of things in our lives.. most of us have dealt with things being a certain way for so long.. we are used to it.. even though years ago.. we would have never lived like we do now... we make compromises over the years.. like a story I heard yesterday.. about someone who is waiting over a week to talk to someone.. because it's the holidays.. and it's family time... WTF... really?... I understand that family comes first to a certain extent.. but who wants to be so far down the scale of importance that a person can't find time to talk to you for a whole week.. I just don't understand how some people have put so little value on themselves.. that they would stay in a relationship like that.. Yes.. I know that given the situations of several of the people I have talked with.. there have to be some compromises.. but that's just too much..  I guess I should be grateful for the people in my life that take time to send a message every once in awhile.. just to let me know they still care about me as a friend.. really.. that's all I want.. that's all I ask for.. I have a great person who spends a lot of time with me... even so far as to playing my game with me.. in order to be a part of the life I have now.. I call that true friendship.. and I'm proud to call her a friend.  My mind is distracted for the most part now... and only occasionally do I have a "meltdown" ...but it's enough to let me know I will never be the same again.. I'm still certain of that.. part of me was destroyed.. and I won't be able to get it back.. it's ok.. I'll lumber along.. just doing my thing with whatever strength I can muster.  I am glad this is a short week.. I need to take a little time to get things planned for my 3 days off while the students are there... I also need to get my tax software installed... yeah.. it's tax time again.. and I'm getting a jump on it this year.. hope to have them done by next week sometime...   My mom has her first chemotherapy session today.. I hope it goes ok... I'm a bit worried for her.. because I know it's got to be an uncomfortable experience..  I suppose we are all dealing with our own pain.. whether it be physical.. mental.. emotional.. or all three.. Even if I attempt to work on feeling better,  I am not looking forward to the uphill climb out of my pit of emotional dispair..

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