I need a break.. of some sort.

I overslept.. first time in a long time.. not certain why my alarm didn't go off.. of course I have been waking up before my alarm for months now.. so I am not even certain it still works. I am in such a funk now.. even moreso than usual.  I feel like my life is just carrying me along.. letting me watch it unfold.. and I'm powerless to stop the crap as it keeps getting flung at me.  Maybe I am at fault.. maybe I'm causing all this to happen to me. I wish I knew what to do to stop it.. if I am.. It seems as though most of the bright spots in my life are overshadowed by things that give me pain.. or torment me to a certain extent. I suppose that things work out the way they are supposed to.. I just wish I could see WHY? .... and it's not just one thing.. it's almost EVERYTHING.. it seems like fate is trying to kick me while I'm down.. I don't know how much more I can take.. I feel the pressure build up inside of me.. I just want to explode and get it all over with.. I can't even hold back the tears anymore.. there are times.. when I get to thinking about everything.. and I just have to go to another room.. this will be difficult if this continues while I'm teaching.. luckily.. it's an informal class.. so I can excuse myself for a few minutes any time that I need to. I am really trying to look on the bright side.. to be an optimist.. but at this point.. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep until everything bad is over.. the way things are going.. I might be sleeping the rest of my life. I think about all the people that said they would be there for me.. when things got down.. those people I felt were my close friends.. and slowly.. one by one.. most of them abandoned me for other things.. I don't even have the strength to care at the moment.. I suppose that's wrong.. if I didn't care.. I wouldn't be crying so much. Life is just so damned hard. Yeah.. I know... my pity party has started again.. I suppose we all have our burdens to bear.  I am just tired of baring mine.. I need a break.. of some sort.

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