Friend zone.

I'm hurting a friend.. on purpose... like I knew I would.. but it's because she wouldn't pay attention to what I was blogging.. that she thought the words I put here.. were just words..  and that I didn't mean what I posted.. I'm sorry that she is hurt.. but the words I post are exactly how I feel.. no matter how bluntly I put things.. no matter how callous the words are... everything I post is what I feel.. even when I go back and support what I've said.. everything thinks that this is just a phase in my life... but I won't let it be a phase... this is who I am now... The person that cared deeply is gone.. I can care... but only so much... yes.. people are different.. but I'm not going to find out how different... I talked awhile back of having a "friend zone"... I've maintained that once a person is put in my friend zone.. they never come out... well.. I've locked myself in my friend zone.. for good... anyone that comes into my life will have to be locked in here with me.. as only a friend... if anyone wants to reach me on an emotional level.. they will find me in my friend zone.. and to reach me.. anyone will have to step into my friend zone.. where there is no escape... I will refuse to love anyone else... because I don't believe in love... I refuse to believe in anything stronger than a caring for a friend.... or family member...  there's no way I will change my mode of thinking.. it's that simple... anyone who chooses to be my friend.. will have to understand that.. if anyone wants more than friendship.. I will push and fight going through the possiblity of hurt with my last breath... I said something cruel last night... someone said.. "I'm sorry I'm not worth the risk"  ...my reply was... "No one will ever be worth the risk" ...in thinking about that.. it seemed like I didn't care... I do care...to an extent.. but I am sticking with what I have said here in many, many posts... everything ends... and I won't let it happen again.. I may have pushed another person out of my life.. it's inevitable anyway.. everyone leaves.. and yeah.. I'll miss her if she chooses to go.. but I can let her go.. for her own good... because all that is left with me..if a person wants to be more than a friend.. is pain and suffering.. and I won't change any time soon... I'm going to keep myself locked in my "friend zone"

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