It's called "caring"
I had my eye doctor visit yesterday.. and everything was just what it was a year ago.. he said the spasms were probably more of a nerve issue than anything else. so.. all is ok there...
When I was growing up.. my parents had a formal living room.. that we were supposed to stay out of.. it was all nicely decorated.. with everything neat.. and proper.. this was where we entertained our guests... there was also a guest bedroom that stayed all fluffed up and ready for company.. then there was our family room.. where we actually did our living.. and we weren't supposed to bring anyone back there.. there were a few books piled around.. there was an assortment of hodgepodge piles containing things we used most often.. the real "us" ... this is the same as online.. we are a certain way.. we let our formal side show when we interact with people online.. how often do you get close enough to someone to be invited into their "family room" ...to get to see the "real" person residing in that body you talk with? I was talking with a friend and explained that one of the main reasons that people can't "love" someone they met online.. is that they never truly know that person.. they've never seen that person at their worst... I think this is one of the reasons I can say I loved my last involvement... I sat and listened to her melt down at a window when she was under so much stress after her husband was in the hospital.. she literally screamed and cried.. she didn't hold back who she was.. and I knew I was seeing the real person there.. she let me into a part of her life that we don't show everyone.. not many people are able to do that.. to be completely honest with the person they talk with about who they are... the thing is.. even though I'm mostly calm... I've cried in front of my closest friends.. I've shared who I am ...exactly who I am.. when you get invited into my "family room" ..that's me.. I can usually sense when something is missing from what you tell me.. and if life is all skittles and rainbows.. or if you're always calm and collected.. either you are the most well-adjusted person on the planet... or you hide that part from me.. I rarely argue.. but it does happen I suppose.. it didn't happen very much with my spouse.. because I suppose I never really cared enough to argue with her.. but.. if I never have seen a person disagree.. and possibly "melt down" at me.. or in front of me.. I am certain that I still don't know this person.. we can care about a person based on their merits.. and what they've done for us.. I'm not denying that.. we can choose to befriend a person that supports us.. but a true friend will tell you when they disagree.. even if it hurts your feelings... I try to say what I feel.. I will admit.. I sometimes could go about saying things a little less bluntly than I do now.. but if I've only said things that make you feel warm inside.. then there's a lot we haven't talked about. If you've been pissed off at me.. and just bit your lip.. then you still have me in your "living room" ...there's one thing about me.. if I am told the truth.. and can't handle it... and get upset.. which is VERY RARE.. the worst thing I will do.. is excuse myself.. back off.. and cool down while I think of what I want to say... and I don't hold a grudge if you let me have my space to intelligently think about things.. the only case when I didn't do this.. was when I wasn't given the opportunity to back off and think.. and was continuously pressed... prompting me to remove a friend from my life.. because of stupidity on my part.. it was during a fight between my girl.. and my friend.. and I chose to support my girl.. even though I should have remained neutral.. I was wrong in that.. it had nothing to do with me.. and I regret having been manipulated to the point where I lost a decent friend in the process.. other than that one instance.. I am certain that I look at most situations objectively.. and make decisions based on facts.. and not temporary feelings. We can easily get lost in our feelings.. if we don't take time to explore them fully.. There are things that happen that make us feel untrusting.. when someone comes to me.. with gossip..and innuendo.. I have to think.. what is being said about me? ...that's why I have a tendency to put those people at arms length.. but if someone has something factual to say.. then I'll listen.. and weigh out what is said.. and I'll even confront those people who it is said about... if they are an important part of my life.. Miscommunication is the leading factor for people to get upset with each other.. if you truly are my friend.. then you read my blog.. you won't ask me.. "how have you been?" ...you should already know.. because I put it here every morning.. what I'm feeling.. how I am.. what's going on in my life.. those that truly care about me.. and who I am.. will take the 3 or 4 minutes a day to check on what's happening with me.. I mean.. who doesn't spend at least an hour or two online each day.. at least in the circle of friends I hang out with.. I figure that those that I have given my blog address will visit and check on me.. at least from time to time... it's called "caring"..
When I was growing up.. my parents had a formal living room.. that we were supposed to stay out of.. it was all nicely decorated.. with everything neat.. and proper.. this was where we entertained our guests... there was also a guest bedroom that stayed all fluffed up and ready for company.. then there was our family room.. where we actually did our living.. and we weren't supposed to bring anyone back there.. there were a few books piled around.. there was an assortment of hodgepodge piles containing things we used most often.. the real "us" ... this is the same as online.. we are a certain way.. we let our formal side show when we interact with people online.. how often do you get close enough to someone to be invited into their "family room" ...to get to see the "real" person residing in that body you talk with? I was talking with a friend and explained that one of the main reasons that people can't "love" someone they met online.. is that they never truly know that person.. they've never seen that person at their worst... I think this is one of the reasons I can say I loved my last involvement... I sat and listened to her melt down at a window when she was under so much stress after her husband was in the hospital.. she literally screamed and cried.. she didn't hold back who she was.. and I knew I was seeing the real person there.. she let me into a part of her life that we don't show everyone.. not many people are able to do that.. to be completely honest with the person they talk with about who they are... the thing is.. even though I'm mostly calm... I've cried in front of my closest friends.. I've shared who I am ...exactly who I am.. when you get invited into my "family room" ..that's me.. I can usually sense when something is missing from what you tell me.. and if life is all skittles and rainbows.. or if you're always calm and collected.. either you are the most well-adjusted person on the planet... or you hide that part from me.. I rarely argue.. but it does happen I suppose.. it didn't happen very much with my spouse.. because I suppose I never really cared enough to argue with her.. but.. if I never have seen a person disagree.. and possibly "melt down" at me.. or in front of me.. I am certain that I still don't know this person.. we can care about a person based on their merits.. and what they've done for us.. I'm not denying that.. we can choose to befriend a person that supports us.. but a true friend will tell you when they disagree.. even if it hurts your feelings... I try to say what I feel.. I will admit.. I sometimes could go about saying things a little less bluntly than I do now.. but if I've only said things that make you feel warm inside.. then there's a lot we haven't talked about. If you've been pissed off at me.. and just bit your lip.. then you still have me in your "living room" ...there's one thing about me.. if I am told the truth.. and can't handle it... and get upset.. which is VERY RARE.. the worst thing I will do.. is excuse myself.. back off.. and cool down while I think of what I want to say... and I don't hold a grudge if you let me have my space to intelligently think about things.. the only case when I didn't do this.. was when I wasn't given the opportunity to back off and think.. and was continuously pressed... prompting me to remove a friend from my life.. because of stupidity on my part.. it was during a fight between my girl.. and my friend.. and I chose to support my girl.. even though I should have remained neutral.. I was wrong in that.. it had nothing to do with me.. and I regret having been manipulated to the point where I lost a decent friend in the process.. other than that one instance.. I am certain that I look at most situations objectively.. and make decisions based on facts.. and not temporary feelings. We can easily get lost in our feelings.. if we don't take time to explore them fully.. There are things that happen that make us feel untrusting.. when someone comes to me.. with gossip..and innuendo.. I have to think.. what is being said about me? ...that's why I have a tendency to put those people at arms length.. but if someone has something factual to say.. then I'll listen.. and weigh out what is said.. and I'll even confront those people who it is said about... if they are an important part of my life.. Miscommunication is the leading factor for people to get upset with each other.. if you truly are my friend.. then you read my blog.. you won't ask me.. "how have you been?" ...you should already know.. because I put it here every morning.. what I'm feeling.. how I am.. what's going on in my life.. those that truly care about me.. and who I am.. will take the 3 or 4 minutes a day to check on what's happening with me.. I mean.. who doesn't spend at least an hour or two online each day.. at least in the circle of friends I hang out with.. I figure that those that I have given my blog address will visit and check on me.. at least from time to time... it's called "caring"..
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