Keep walking

So... I wake up this morning and my home internet is down... so I will be blogging from my phone until it is back up...

Am I happy?  Of course not... anyone who has read any of my posts can see that... but I don't have a choice in that.. all I'm trying to do is keep myself from being put in a situation where I can be completely destroyed..  I want her to move on.. it will happen sooner or later anyway.. and it will not be with me. My friend... that professes to love me.. she needs more than I will ever be willing to provide.  Do I trust her?  I trust her more than anyone else.. but even still... I know she needs more than me. I see it all the time. I don't ... and won't lay any claim to a future with her as more than friends... as I will be that way with anyone.  I guess I believed in the "fairy tale" kind of love... the kind that exists without expectation of a return... it just IS... I believed in true love as never ending... I will always love my daughters.. and will be sad when they get married and move away..  but I will still love them.  That won't change.  I won't seek to replace them when they move on... or if they were to die.. the same holds true for the one I loved... I won't seek to replace her..  I have a hole ..  an empty hole now... and it will remain empty ...because I do have the unconditional love I talked about... the kind I know won't be returned..  I need her to move on and find someone that can make her happy.. I couldn't.. and now.. I wouldn't even try.  I was told that I would take her back.. yes.. I am not strong enough to say I wouldn't... but then we would both be screwed.. I would remember everything.. and just wait for her to walk away again... She walked away from what we once had... and I beg her to keep walking

Comments

  1. AnonymousDecember 13, 2011 at 6:26 AM

    Maybe she doesn't need you to give all of yourself to her... I don't think anybody should... look where it got you... destroyed! When two people are attracted to each other, enjoy each other's company and have mutual respect, isn't that a kind of love? There are many levels of love and just like you don't like your future planned maybe you shouldn't predetermine hers either. You never know what will happen in the future. Nobody does!

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