you have to earn it.

Over 400 hits on my blog..  not counting the 3 weeks I had my counter down.. and as I can only account for about 100 of them from people I've told... the word must have leaked out to various people on the site, as my blog is not searchable by the public.. or reachable unless you have the address. It was meant to be a place where I could put my deepest thoughts.. and share an intimate portion of myself with my friends.. so for any of the rest of you that have decided to make my most intimate thoughts a part of your reading list, I hope that you are entertained.  ...and even though I ask you not to take it upon yourself to spread my deepest thoughts for entertainment value.. I am certain that plea may fall on deaf ears.  After all.. most of my readers are members of a site where drama and cheating abound.  I'm sorry if you take that personally.. but it is what it is.  I've been guilty of the same thing. No matter how much I try to deny it.. I am a cheater.. an adulterer.. and a liar.. we all are.  ...but I am taking strides to remove myself from that.  I am planning on rectifying the situation. Am I better than anyone else? ...no.. but I think I might be a little stronger.. Dealing with all the lies has actually taught me something.. whereas most people think that things will change.. things will be different... and try to justify to themselves where it will be ok.. if their spouses don't find out about it.  I do the same thing.. or did rather.  People talk for the need to overcome their loneliness.. but really it's about overcoming their weaknesses.  I am as weak in that respect as anyone else... but I am building strength day by day.. to do what needs to be done.. so that I can not lie to myself anymore.. I hope that others can follow suit.. and are able to help themselves out of the pit of lies they were once a part of.  I feel sorry for those still there... because even if they're happy.. it won't last very long.. Drug users are happy while they are high.. but when they come crashing down.. it's a different story.  The same can be said for anyone with an addiction that makes them who they are not happy with.  ...or maybe those people have learned to lower their expectations.. those are the ones I truly pity.  I still offer my friendship to anyone who wants it.. but to be a close.. dear friend of mine.. ..if you want at least some of my trust and respect.. you have to earn it.

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