Indifferent.

Things are settling... I believe that I am getting used to my way of life... I can deal with things and look to try to not be so negative about stuff... after all... all I am doing is perpetuating the lies I've been fed. ...so I still have the same outlook.. but will try to concentrate on the few positive aspects of my life... I have a great friend or two that support me.. no matter what.. and I appreciate that. I think it is the duty of a true friend to tell you the truth.. whether or not you want to hear it.  Too many times in this world we have those people that go along with what we say... just so they don't make us upset with them.  Yeah.. my friends aren't always supportive in the way I want them to be.. but nevertheless.. I appreciate their honesty.. and feel that by telling me things I might not want to hear.. they are even more supportive.  I am glad to find out that I'm not the illogical one.. even if my way of looking at things is a bit self-destructive. Maybe I should grow my hair out and dye it black.. and listen to emo music all the time... that's sort of the way my posts have been going.  It's up to me to decide how I want to handle things...and will I ever be happy again? ..I have no idea.  I'm not that worried about it to tell the truth... I am ok where I am at... and I will stay here. I cannot move out.. until I find my spouse a job... I can't afford child support.. AND alimony.. but.. I might start getting out more.. even if it's to no place special.. getting away for a weekend.. for just myself.. tomorrow will possibly end the overtime for me.. I know I won't have to work any more overtime this year.  I am just hoping that the center will hire new people by the time the students return in January. I will be taking a van to Clarksville, TN tomorrow afternoon.. and once I return back to the center.. I will be finished with all the overtime.  I know today won't be a very productive day.. last day in class. Maybe I'll put on a movie or something.. I received a $575 uniform allowance that I spent yesterday.. and I have 140 left.. I am looking at buying a nice Stetson hat....that would take up the remainder of the balance. Well.. I suppose that I need to finish my bath and head to work.. it's almost 5 am now.. and if I don't get started... I'll be late.. I would like to thank someone for a nice conversation.. it was very much appreciated. Sometimes things just seem better when you can talk to someone and forget all the crap going on in your life. Am I healing? ... I wouldn't call it that.. but I'm becoming indifferent.

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