living in the moment.
I am in a decent mood today... I am glad I didn't work over last night.. I felt tired after driving all day.. then I played my game for awhile.. and needed to turn in early... After a brief nap.. I had a nice conversation with a friend. I had to unload some things verbally.. and I am sure she needed the conversation also.. In any case, I feel a little lighter this morning.. not as much pressure built up on me from life in general. ...and I have to say thank you.. for reaching out.
It's difficult to imagine a world where everything is black and white.. but in almost all cases.. it is.. things either are... or they're not. Most people will tell you.. there are circumstances where this is the case... not really... it's only ourselves trying to justify things.. to others.. or even to ourselves. I have no idea how life will unfold for me in the future.. I don't even pretend to know who is sincere and who isn't about what they say. I have a lot of things on my mind lately.. mostly about mistrust.. and hurt.. but I have learned to live with the hurt... I don't cry every day now.. I suppose that is a form of healing.. I allow myself to appear normal.. even though on the inside, I am full of doubts and dispair... is that lying? ...I don't have the answer to that... everything I say... or type.. is what I am feeling in the moment.. and that is what life is.. a series of moments that are put together. People say we shouldn't live in the moment... but living in the past.. only brings pain.. and trying to live in the future.. well.. things always seem to change.. people change their feelings.. their minds can change at the drop of a hat.. and then you are left out of your plans for the future. So.. why subject yourself to be hurt.. and disappointed... I am going to continue as I have said many times.. to take things one day at a time... yes.. I will try to learn from my past mistakes.. I still don't have hope at future happiness.. but it's best if I just don't think about the future... I know who I am.. what I feel.. and will only be able to exist each day.. to be where I am now.. and not base any cares on anyone's future plans.. because they always seem to change... I wish things could be different.. I sometimes wish I weren't so jaded.. but life has taught me a valuable lesson.. no matter what things people say to you.. sometimes.. they are just living in the moment.
It's difficult to imagine a world where everything is black and white.. but in almost all cases.. it is.. things either are... or they're not. Most people will tell you.. there are circumstances where this is the case... not really... it's only ourselves trying to justify things.. to others.. or even to ourselves. I have no idea how life will unfold for me in the future.. I don't even pretend to know who is sincere and who isn't about what they say. I have a lot of things on my mind lately.. mostly about mistrust.. and hurt.. but I have learned to live with the hurt... I don't cry every day now.. I suppose that is a form of healing.. I allow myself to appear normal.. even though on the inside, I am full of doubts and dispair... is that lying? ...I don't have the answer to that... everything I say... or type.. is what I am feeling in the moment.. and that is what life is.. a series of moments that are put together. People say we shouldn't live in the moment... but living in the past.. only brings pain.. and trying to live in the future.. well.. things always seem to change.. people change their feelings.. their minds can change at the drop of a hat.. and then you are left out of your plans for the future. So.. why subject yourself to be hurt.. and disappointed... I am going to continue as I have said many times.. to take things one day at a time... yes.. I will try to learn from my past mistakes.. I still don't have hope at future happiness.. but it's best if I just don't think about the future... I know who I am.. what I feel.. and will only be able to exist each day.. to be where I am now.. and not base any cares on anyone's future plans.. because they always seem to change... I wish things could be different.. I sometimes wish I weren't so jaded.. but life has taught me a valuable lesson.. no matter what things people say to you.. sometimes.. they are just living in the moment.
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