One day at a time.

Today's post is a dedication to my friend... she is finalizing a divorce today.. and I know it will be a particularly hard day for her.  I am certain that things will move smoothly.... even though I know she is anxious about it. I suppose we all tend to worry about the unknown.  I completely understand that... although I am more anxious about the known, myself.  We tend to spend our lives worrying about things that might.. or could happen.  I try to realize that I can only change certain things... and I don't have control over a lot.  There's no use in me wasting time being concerned about all the possibilities. I was told that on average we consume 4 spiders in our sleep during a person's lifetime... when they crawl into our mouths.. So ...should I go out and purchase a supply of masks to wear while I'm sleeping?  ...I don't think so.  We already spend a lot of money to protect ourselves from things that may or may not happen.. some of it is common sense.. take insurance for example..   We spend thousands of dollars for auto, life, health, home... etc. insurance.. in most states it's now required to have insurance.  Seat belts... we now are required to wear seat belts.. "just in case"  ...I grew up standing in the front seat between my parents... well.. not that often.. but I did do it.  We, as a society, seem more concerned about changing things... requiring people to  protect themselves.. just in case. 

But I digress... I have been thinking about my friend.. and I know that I am headed in that direction.. will I be as anxious?  .. maybe.. but I also know that things happen for a reason.. I believe that.. even if I don't entirely agree with the reasons... or am happy with the circumstances..  I also believe in Karma.. that's why I try to do so many things for so many people... but my faith in Karma is wearing thin... I should be happy though.. I don't guess I suffer any more than a lot of people.. we just have different circumstances.. and different trials we have to go through.  Each day.. comes and goes.. and many of them are forgotten. I wonder a lot what would happen if I were to fall over.. dead.. I am certain that people would miss me..  ..but life for everyone else would still go on.. I figure in the last instances.. I will be pissed off at myself for all the things I wanted to do.. but never got around to.. or all of the events or opportunities I missed. Life is short.. we shouldn't live in the shadow of fear.  We should do the things that make us happy.  I miss out on happiness a lot lately.. but I do it because of my daughters.  I choose to stay in my circumstances.. because I know they would have a hard time of it when I leave.  I spent the last 12 years.. unhappy to a certain point.. growing more and more unhappy.. sure.. I was happy at times.. but those times have become rare in the past 5 years. That's why I started seeking to change my life.  I finally realized that I couldn't stay in a situation that only made me feel worse with each passing day.  I am pretty sure that's what happens to most people that end up divorcing. I don't think anyone wakes up one day and says.. "Hey.. I think I'll get a divorce" ..I believe that we just learn to accept the fact that things aren't going to get better... It takes a strong person to make that type of decision.  I am realizing that now.. and I have developed the strength to do what is necessary.   I commend my friend for being able to face the fact that sometimes we have to make drastic.. even somewhat scary changes in order to make our lives happier in the long run. Some people choose to live for the rest of their lives in the shadow of a marriage that no longer exists.. because they lack the courage to make the change they know is needed.  We can kid ourselves that we do it because of our kids... or that it will make things harder on people.. but truthfully... we stay because we are afraid of the unknown.. It has just gotten to the point that I realize my marriage was over a few years ago... all that's left of it is a peace of paper that says we are still married.  Other than that.. we can be friendly with each other.. but I haven't hugged her.. or she me.. in months.. I want to let her go.. and hope that she finds a wonderful life with someone more suited to her.. What's in store for me?.. I haven't a clue.. but I will do what I have said so often.. I'll just take one day at a time.